


And All I Have to Do is Think of Her

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Romance, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 17:27:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2436917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Sixty minutes; 3600 seconds, Aaron Hotchner. Just to clarify, you have one hour from the time we hang up to leave Quantico.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	And All I Have to Do is Think of Her

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for The Eyes Have It.

His mind moved faster than his pen but Hotch kept writing. Maybe there was a good thing about having to hand over the Unit Chief reins; Hotch had more time for his research. It was going to be difficult if not impossible to get ahead of Foyet at this point but he planned to know the serial killer inside and out. The next time they came face to face it wouldn’t be Hotch who ended up on the ground. He knew what the personal vendetta was doing to him, Hotch was nothing if not self-aware, but it had to be done. He hadn’t started it but he needed to finish it. 

 

Maybe all Foyet cared about was watching him deteriorate. Hotch had already lost his son and his position in the FBI. There was still more to lose…he thought about it every night when he couldn’t sleep. Jack wasn’t the only person he loved or vice-versa. The faster he got the bastard off the street, the faster his loved ones would be safe. 

 

His stepfather’s position as a federal judge made it easy for he and Hotch’s mother to get protection. His brother was winging it, which scared Hotch to death, but Sean wasn’t about to let “some freak” change his life. There were some kinds that prisons couldn’t hold. Foyet wouldn’t stop until death came for him, and that was truly the only thing he and Aaron Hotchner had in common.

 

His hip started buzzing, Paul McCartney singing _Something_ on low volume. He looked at the iPhone, the clock on his desk, sighed, and answered.

 

“Hi.”

 

“Hey there,” Emily’s tone was chipper but he could hear the exhaustion underneath. Was it the case or him that made her so tired? “What are you up to?”

 

“Em…”

 

“I thought one perk of your stepping down for the time being would be getting home at a decent hour.”

 

“Home? You're not alone at my place, are you?”

 

“No Aaron, I told you that I wouldn’t…I'm at my home. Just come home.”

 

“I’ll be there in…” Hotch’s voice faded out. He looked at the paperwork on his desk. He really needed to stay and finish his thoughts. The puzzle pieces were floating in his head; coming together one by one. Hotch was close, so close he could taste it.

 

“Hello? Aaron? Aaron, are you still there?”

 

“I’ll be home in a few hours.” He replied.

 

“That’s the wrong answer.”

 

“I know I'm not the Unit Chief anymore but there’s still work to do. Morgan needed my help.” Hotch flinched as the lie tumbled out of his mouth. He and Emily didn’t lie to each other; they made that promise a long time ago. Good or bad it would never be anything but the truth. Dammit.

 

“One hour, Hotch.” Emily said. “Seriously, you need a good night’s sleep.”

 

“One hour.”

 

“Sixty minutes; 3600 seconds, Aaron Hotchner. Just to clarify, you have one hour from the time we hang up to leave Quantico.”

 

“One hour,” he repeated. “I love you.”  Something about it sounded stilted as it came out of his mouth. It felt like something he had to say, not something he wanted to. That made Hotch’s stomach turn. “I love you, Em.”

 

“I love you too. See you in a little while.”

 

Hotch tried to say goodnight but the call ended. Sighing, he put his phone back on his hip and went back to his legal pad and files. There wasn’t much time left.

 

***

 

He walked into the quiet condo almost two hours later. Hotch knew he was in trouble but didn’t know how much. Downstairs was dark except for the small lamp in the living room. He hung up his coat and went straight to the kitchen. Emily kept a bottle of Maker’s Mark on the counter because it was his favorite. 

 

Hotch poured some into the small tumbler and drank the first half down quickly. It burned in his chest but he needed the feeling, it was better than emptiness. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt something at his ankles. George, Emily’s Abyssinian, curled around his feet and softly purred. Hotch bent down to pet him.

 

“You're probably the only creature that likes me right now, George. Thanks for the reminder.”

 

George head butted his hand and then went in the opposite direction. Taking a deep breath, Hotch finished the bourbon. He washed it down with water from the tap before heading upstairs. The master bedroom was dark; it wasn’t a good idea to go around turning on lights. Emily was in bed but not asleep. 

 

Hotch didn’t need lights to see that, he could feel her. He used the light of the half-moon to undress and climbed into the bed naked. Pulling Emily close, Hotch exhaled against her ear. She didn’t hold onto him but relaxed against his body.

 

“I'm late.” He whispered.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

“I'm starting to wonder if you really mean it all the times you say it or if it’s just an involuntary thing, like a twitch.”

 

“Emily…”

 

“You broke Rule #2, Hotch.” She turned in his arms. “You are so ridiculously Hotch about Rule #1 and Rule #3 and you break the rule most important to me. The craziest thing is that it really was a stupid lie.”

 

“I know. How did you…?”

 

“Before I called you I called Penelope. I wanted to check on Derek and see if he needed help. She told me that he had finished everything and had just gone home. Then I called you and you tell me you're helping him.”

 

“There’s no excuse for what I've done.”

 

“Calm down, Aaron, you didn’t kill anyone. Why did you lie…you could have told me what you were doing?”

 

“This is something I have to do myself.” Hotch replied, not even sure why he said it.

 

“I don’t believe that but I'm sure I can't convince you otherwise. I need to get some sleep.” She kissed his face and turned over again. “Goodnight.”

 

He lay there in the quiet for a long time knowing sleep wouldn’t come for him. He wanted to talk to her but wasn’t sure about what. Hotch wasn’t sure about anything and he was sick to death of the feeling. He walked around numb; the whole world in black and white. When people spoke they always sounded so far away just like after the explosion in New York. 

 

When Emily touched him, he rarely felt anything. No matter how hard he tried, and he tried with Emily, he couldn’t make the connections. Foyet was all he could think about. Foyet and Jack. He missed his son terribly. He missed Jack’s birthday; couldn’t even call him. What was Haley telling him? Was Sam giving him some kind of happy news? He knew the Marshal was one of the best but he didn’t want Jack to get too attached to some other man.

 

Sighing, Hotch reached out and stroked Emily’s back. His hand slipped under her shirt, connecting with the soft warm skin. He loved her skin; loved the way it felt and smelled. Hotch tried to empty his mind of everything except that feeling. The first time he ever touched it intimately, the second time, the third time, and the last time. The way it felt when she touched his. He thought about the soft hums that came from Emily’s throat when she was satisfied. He thought about the way her back arched and the little giggles that made them both quiver.

 

“Everything you can't feel,” she whispered. “I feel it for the both of us.”

 

“Help me, Emily.”

 

“I want to.”

 

“Help me, baby; I'm so sick of this numbness.”

 

Emily turned again, wrapping Hotch in her embrace. He tried to exhale but couldn’t. Practically breathless, he kissed her passionately. Emily pulled away.

 

“I think we’ve broken enough rules tonight; lets leave number seven intact please.” She said.

 

“That wasn’t what I was doing.” He replied. “I don’t want you thinking that every time I touch you now.”

 

“I can't help it. This isn’t a permanent situation, Aaron.”

 

“It feels that way sometimes.”  
  
“I know. That’s why I'm holding on, to remind you that it isn’t.”

 

“Don’t let go.” Hotch snuggled closer, letting the heat of her warm him straight through to his soul. “I love you so much.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

That was why she wasn’t leaving. Emily Prentiss was not a quitter and she wasn’t going to quit Hotch. Everyday there was a new battle to fight but she was a fighter. For every good time they shared, there would be hard times. There would be times where she was hanging on by her fingertips…times when despite the best intentions thoughts of leaving wouldn’t leave her alone. But Emily wasn’t going to do it. She’d been abandoned when she needed people the most. It was a feeling you never forgot. Surely Hotch knew it too; they didn’t need to know it with each other. They’d come this far and she looked forward, not back.

 

“I’ll never lie to you again.” Sleep was creeping closer; Hotch could feel it.

 

“OK.”

 

“I mean it, Emily.”

 

“I know you do.” She kissed his forehead. “Go to sleep.”

 

“I'm going to feel it again, I promise. I'm never going to stop feeling that way about you. I want to more than anything.”

 

 _I pray to God you do_ , Emily thought to herself as she fell into the blackness. She had no idea where either one of them was going to land. This had to end soon, Hotch was right. Good or bad it was going to end. She planned to be holding on to Hotch when it did.

 

***

                                                                                                                                                         

  
 


End file.
